Poem IV

Maybe our love was just childish fun, the way we played within the light. I’m sad it has to go, but you know… Love is a funny thing, one day my trust is complete, and another we completely crumble what we have built. Sometimes I can be selfish, but it’s my way of defending my heart. Now we are left with such hideous memories, happiness torn into a bitter end. My heart aches, when I see photos of you, my chest burns when I see your smile, but I keep going along, pretending everything is going to be okay. I pray to the lord some day I will be able to erase the memory of you. I am unable to find a filler… Something to fill the gap, I have tried so hard to remedy this myself, but I have come up with only failures. I have a lot of scars to show what happened to me. Stories to tell, memories to show… I like to think of the past, and twist the memories… Bending to my own will, bending to my own greed.

I’m not much a beggar, I’m not much of a coward, but please… End this pain? The hardest part is forgetting… I have let go of you, and your malice. I know you once showed love towards me, and you bent over backwards to help me out, and I the same to you. Now, I am left with this hatred burning inside me. I promised myself I would never hate another person, but you… The fire is now only embers, the smoke is clearing, and now all I see is my sins, and your lies. It’s about time you learned a thing or two about me. I can take abuse, I am used to being used like a doll in an house, but please remember… I am no doll, I have feelings just like the rest of the world. We all know the feeling of hatred, but I am so tired of showing anger so deep… People are willing to disregard just so they don’t lash out, and torture the people around them.

I am racked with pain, I am racked with this injustices… God, please rid me of this place, I am so sick of it all. My true exterior is showing, and I am afraid it will be to late to save the people around me. My addictions feed my hatred, my grief, alas… I am powerless to it all. I have nothing left to give, now I pray that you send me some solace, something that will tell me it will be all okay, because, Lord, I am running out of time. It used to make sense, it used to have some sort of purpose… Now it’s just unguided hatred…

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