Poem IX

Never again, never again, will I forgive you for what you did to me. I’m not blinded by the love you showed me, not blinded by all the lies I agreed to believe. It’s such nonsense that I used to believe in you, in every word you said. It’s such a relief to be rid of it all… I’m taking it all in… One step at a time, i’m taking it all in. Maybe, I’ll never speak to you again, and that speaks volumes to me about your character. My anger soothes my heart, my scars soothe my thoughts. Maybe i’m only dreaming, but it feels so real, that I will believe in this, just this one time.

My heart arrived way to late, and now I’m just dreaming of a world where you never existed. I’m so sick of the memories, I feel like they will never end. You told me our love would never end, that you would cease to exist without me… But somehow you are still living and breathing even when I’m gone. It’s so funny… You wouldn’t have a name if it weren’t for me. You’d be living in the past like you always do. I’m just a ghost of a former memory. I wonder how it feels to have such regret. I would love to disappear and never see the world as it is now.

It’s just another day in this prison of my own mind. I have so much to give to this world, but no one to give it to. I’m just crippled by the way I feel. Tired, lonely. I would never cry for attention, but… Doesn’t everyone deserve to be loved? I’m not sure I believe in that anymore, it’s just a fairy tale it seems. So, now I carry all these memories and they haunt me. I dream of a night… where I wouldn’t have to cry myself to sleep. Is this how it’s meant to be?

My questions keep growing, and i’m still contemplating what they said… I don’t think this world is worth living. They keep me wondering if i’m still worth the time. Only if they saw me how I truly am. It’s such a sad sight when you look in the mirror, only to have your reflection turn away. It was never meant to be this way. We all had dreams, but now i’m to cold to realize all the pain that has been inflicted, will last forever. No one will notice the scars. No one will ever notice the pain. It’s such a sad sight. Only if I lived what I preached…

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